by Kristin Gallagher, Columnist
Have you ever had that feeling like you are missing out on something?
Don’t get all hunkered down in your seat with a croissant thinking “Daria is about to get deep again,” and put your philosophical pants on.
Take em off – relax.
I mean when you know that there is something going on – an event, a gathering, or a party per se – and you are not there. For various reasons.
You’re other friends are there. Your closest friends. Your not closest, but still close, friends are there. Some friends that are strictly only ‘gathering friends’ are even there. But you didn’t make the list.
For whatever reason, you were specifically excluded from what seems to be an all-inclusive event.
Let me just say, for the record, that I am Irish. We specialize in parties. I have proved that on more than one occasion with my friends, closest friends, ‘gathering friends’, etc. And even more than that, I am a good person. If I weren’t around, my idea would be that people would be saying something like,
“Where is Daria? She is a really sweet person. Yeah. I like her. Where is she?”
So in what universe there is a social gathering of my usual crowd and I am not included is beyond my limits of comprehension. And I am a pretty fucking intelligent woman. But, for story’s sake, let’s say this happens.
This is what gets me though. With my presence or not, I know exactly what will be happening at any party with these people, how it will happen, who will be participating, what they will be drinking, who won’t be drinking, who will be kicking it with whom, etc. Yet, this voice in my head is still ranting about it. Like there is some huge mystery to what is going on over there – something I am missing. Like, maybe they got a huge bounce house for this event, the ONE event that I am not in attendance. Or like, a snow cone bar with vodka garnishes, or a small petting zoo with fainting goats or something. And all of this is probably strictly because I’m not around.
The truth is, it isn’t about what is happening, but rather the people. It is hard to think that all of your best friends could rally effectively without you.
But of course they can!
We are friends, not soul mates. Our notion of “fun” does not depend on one person or the next. That person may be nice to have around, but it doesn’t mean that a good time cannot be had without them. A pack of 5 hour energies and a handle of Busch Light will wipe that notion right off the table.
I would like to think, though, that all enjoyable experiences cease to exist in my loved ones lives’ without me. That they spend their entire night asking where I am, and contemplating how the memories they are creating could be half as good as the ones they already have with me in them. I want them to have the general feeling that something is “off,” and just tiptoe around it all night long.
Of course, I want this for myself. I wouldn’t really want them to particularly suffer, per se. Maybe just think of me in the beginning. But I am selfish, and my other idea sounds SO much better.
Life happens whether you are there or not. What is happening, though, is simply environmental. You really aren’t missing out on life – you are, in fact, still breathing, just in a different space.
I would still like to be breathing where all of my friends are breathing. I might use up a wee bit of the oxygen level, but that has never seemed to be a problem before.
Nonetheless, the moral of the story is quit listening to the voice in your head. It is going to argue, and fuss, and take each side over and over and over, all night, until that damn party is done and everyone else has forgotten about it. It’s the nature of our inner selves, and until we can learn to be objective and ignore it, then we are going to be either miserable or overjoyed, depending on the stance it wants to take at that time.
Sometimes, I know, that voice is not even speaking for me. It’s not using a dialect that is true to who I am. It’s that crazy emotional girl that texts her ex 937938710 times pleading.
The voice is irrational. It is needy. It is persuasive. It is convincing. And damn it, it is loud.
The whole point of this entire post is that you cannot be everywhere, at one time, doing multiple things. And even if you want to be one place with someone, you have to make sure that you are good to be there – emotionally, mentally, physically – you’ve got to be ready to rock and roll with the best of em.
If not, there is nothing wrong with sitting it out. There will be other parties. Gatherings. There will be future keg stands and naked mud fights to witness. Just relax.
We cannot be afraid that by being in one place we are missing out on something in another. If this were true, then we would spend our entire lives chasing our own tails. Because we are, by laws of physics, only ever in one place at one time. And there are infinite ‘other’ places we could be.
In fact, I have some grilled seafood and an open bar waiting for me as we speak.
Until next time, party animals….
Editor’s Note: This post originally appeared on Gallagher’s blog, dariadiaries.com